Macaroni Dad

Well, that means your daughter will be nestled in her bed with her 7 favorite baby dolls, 2 pillow friends and her puppet cuddle blanket thing. The family of raccoons, after thrashing our trash cans, will be cuddled up with one another in their little raccoon den digesting tin foil, tea bags and banana peels and purring like kittens in a mound of whiskers and fur. The crab (the one you don’t like) will be burrowed deep into its substrate in the comfort of its little aquarium dreaming of warm, white sandy beaches on the gulf coast. The fire ants in our front lawn will be deep underground huddling together using the warmth of loving mother earth to survive until this weekend when they can angrily erupt and chew the skin off of your husband’s tender ankles. The bagels in the refrigerator drawer and the chili beans in the Tupperware bowl will be holding one another close to preserve the last amount of heat so that they can arise tomorrow and give us nourishment and health...and gas. The spoons in the silverware drawer will be neatly stacked with the handles all pointing one direction and the ‘scoopy’ part pointing the other direction, shivering and clacking together in an effort to bring the molecules in the metal ores and alloys to a higher temperature keeping them warm until the sun comes up Friday morning. Yes - they will be spooning.

Who else will be spooning you might ask?

Well, your husband will be spooning the dog because his wife is a zombie and prefers not to sleep ever again. That’s right...not only will your husband be using your favorite pillow and be rolled up in your favorite sheets and down comforter like a fat caterpillar from an old Japanese movie (Mothra  vs. Godzilla), but when the snowflakes begin to fall and the ice crystals start to appear from his breath in the air, he will coax his fluffy, yellow, flatulent ridden, giddy canine friend onto your pillow and your cold vacant side of the bed to provide warmth and hundreds of little yellow hairs on everything.  There will be snoring, cuddling, cooing, twitching, dreaming, rabbit chasing and occasional low tone howling...

I doubt this is what Steve envisions when he issues a snuggle alert. 

Somewhere in wee hours of the morning, in an otherwise quite house, shadows will dance across the walls and a constant clattering on the keyboard will be the only sound heard from the only creature stirring. The supreme Macaroni being will be frantically typing in front of a computer, cloaked in darkness like the Phantom of the Opera or the Wizard of Oz.  Her hair will be undone, her eyes large, round, bloodshot and glossy and she may start to realize that she hasn’t been to the bathroom or had anything to eat or drink for almost two days.

In just a few hours, another edition of yummy Macaroni goodness will roll out and be read by parents and grandparents across our area, and it will be time for my wife, the vampire, to gather some sleep.

Love and hugs wife. I will miss you in bed tonight...but am very proud of the work you do. xo