Dear neighbors...be not alarmed.
True - it looks like our little house is well on its way to abandonment as the 2 foot tall grass in the front lawn makes it appear as though we have given up all hope, but we are merely camouflaging and preparing for a strong 4th quarter comeback where we will clean up the yard and beautify it for the holiday season. Of course the grass in the back yard looks equally frightening, but the simple explanation is that the lawn mower decided that cutting grass in Florida, which grows about 11.5 months out of the year and in the dark, is a losing battle. After approximately six years of manly weekend lawn mower bonding, the old girl coughed and sputtered her last breath.
The equally Ferrari style, fancy, red weed eater rests nearby in the shed where it, too, found early retirement. Something in the warranty about it not being designed to take down trees and strip the paint off of driveways.
We do not have the typical grass or lawn conditions down here in our beautiful state. Not only do we have grass that grows practically year round, but it seems to grow at night. I saw the neighbor’s headlights hit my lawn a few nights ago and I watched our lawn spawn an entire 12 inches. We have bushes and trees that rival lush jungle habitats which were previously only found in the Amazon. We’ve got vines that consume telephone poles, swing sets and parked cars. We’ve got some sort of non-indigenous tree (that I didn’t plant) growing in our front yard...and I think the neighborhood kids put a tire swing in it.
You may scoff at letting your grass grow 4 feet tall, but it does have its benefits:
- I can’t say that we’ve had a sales person or visit from one of our gospel toting friends within the past 2-3 months.
- Various raccoons, opossums, leopards, spotted water buffaloes, screeching honey badgers and fire ant varieties have taken up residence in our lush waist high foliage earning us the title of "protected wildlife preserve."
- Zebras are better camouflaged in the waist high, front yard foliage which keeps them safe from the giant jungle cats.
- The giant jungle cats appreciate the additional camouflage so they can stalk me when I walk to the mail box and when I take out the trash.
- Tarzan and Jane grow bananas in the tree behind the house; they are fun to have around and are excellent dancers but poor sports when they lose at checkers and Twister.
- The cave people of Tanzania visit often with their wild dingo named Pongo.
- Jack Hannah discovered a new species of lizard near the swing set and it flies and blows smoke rings.
Soon good people of the neighborhood, very soon, I will sharpen the machete and the blade and see if putting gas in the mower will make it run. But today...and tomorrow...there does not seem to be enough hours.
