What makes us happy…?
I am not sure anymore quite honestly. It seems the most recent years have been spent chasing money and trying to get ahead and in the midst of it all life happens and you turn around and your kids are a lot older than they were last time you looked at them. It is not my imagination…time is accelerating. If you don’t believe me, have some kids, attend a wedding, a memorial service or maybe go on vacation.
One of the things that haunts me more than it should is that I think I have forgotten how to relax and have fun. When I should be able to breathe deeply and kick back it seems I keep thinking about what I have to do and what is coming up. On Sunday I should really be able to relax and enjoy watching football on the couch (be patient young Skywalker) but it seems the menacing shadow of Monday always pokes me with prongs of the week ahead. Even now as I feel I should have learned how to be more at ease in my own skin, I think I am still looking or dreaming of something greener and greater. Of course it is okay to strive for more, but I am afraid that I have painted myself into a corner of overall general dissatisfaction and malaise of life. Blah.
I don’t hate my job, and sometimes I find myself genuinely excited and happy to be a part of it. I don’t dislike my wife or my kids or my dog, and sometimes I find myself equally excited to partake in the mishap that has become our dysfunctional family unit. Our home isn’t all that bad, and although the grass seems to grow in the moonlight, it has been a good little house that has seen two kids off to college and withstood at least six hurricanes. I even like who I am sometimes except when my hair is messy or when I accidentally poke my dog in the eye …I guess this life of mine is not so bad after all.
We all know and drive this Cadillac of life and we know our own story better than anyone else does. It doesn’t mean that there aren’t blind spots that only others can see. As I reflect I can think of several of my good friends who seemed to have always known where they were going. They simply set the car on cruise control, popped in their favorite music, dropped the top (life is convertible after all) and smiled because they knew that they were going to enjoy the journey. I think that I will start doing more of that. I am going to start by having a beer and tucking my daughter into bed…then I will kiss my wife and mean it and sit with loved ones and love the rest of my evening. Tomorrow I plan to work out and genuinely enjoy the agony and feel the pain. I will go to work and make a difference in people’s lives even if they don’t want to hear what I say. If the day doesn’t go well I will recover and realign with the vision of how I plan to live. I will sit in my skin and enjoy it…I will wear this life like a fancy top hat and learn to be more thankful for it.
